Covey’s Speed of Trust 16: Behaviors 11 & 12 for Wave 2

This continues our series on Stephen M. R. Covey’s book The Speed of Trust. I highly recommend the book to all my readers.

An old adage applies to Listen First. “There was an old owl who sat on an oak. The more he saw, the less he spoke. The less he spoke, the more he heard. Why can’t we be like this wise old bird?” Covey calls Keep Commitments “the big kahuna” of all behaviors. Roger Merrill said “When you make  a commitment, you build hope. When you keep a commitment, you build trust.”

Behavior 11: Listen First

Covey says “To Listen First means not only really listen (to genuinely seek to understand another person’s thoughts, feelings, experience and point of view), but to do it first (before you try to diagnose, influence, or prescribe).”

• “The principles behind Listen First include understanding, respect, and mutual benefit”
• “The opposite is to speak first and listen last—or not to listen at all”
• “The counterfeit is pretend listening. It’s spending ‘listening’ time thinking about your reply and just waiting for your turn to speak”
• Additional tips include
  • “Don’t assume you know what matters most”
  • “Don’t presume you know everything”

Behavior 12: Keep Commitments

Covey writes ““It’s the quickest way to build trust in any relationship—be it with an employee, a boss, a team member, a customer, a supplier, a spouse, a child, or the public in general.”

• "Keep commitments is based on the principles of integrity, performance, courage, and humility”
• ”The opposite—to break commitments or violate promises—is, without question, the quickest way to destroy trust”
• “The counterfeit of this behavior is to make commitments that are so vague or elusive that nobody can pin you down, or, even worse, to be so afraid of breaking commitments that you don’t even make any in the first place”
• Additional tips include:
  • “Make keeping commitments the symbol of your honor”
  • “Make commitments carefully and keep them”
  • “Don’t break confidence”
  • “Don’t attempt to “PR” your way out of a commitment you’ve broken”

Wednesday we conclude the 13 Behaviors and summarize how to rebuild lost trust